Hey, this is Rajiv Kumar Luv Trainer, Coach, Workshop leader, Author, podcaster, Youtuber and founder of The Personality Boss which conducts the Ultimate Personality Development Program, Course, Coaching, Training and Workshops in Mumbai. I help you design the life you want. The articles that I post on my blog also have one purpose in mind “Leadership through Personality Development” Now over to the article…
Fear of what others think can have a devastating effect on our lives and our achievements. Overcoming this fear can open new doors and new possibilities for you, leading to breakthroughs. I know because I have fought this fear and won. I want to help you now.
Picture this… you have been asked to give a presentation to a client to get his approval for a project. You still have some days to go before the presentation but your head starts whirling with thoughts, what will he think if I – go blank, make a mistake, sweat, shiver, am not good.. A big fear that holds most of us back in life is this fear of what others will think. I know, because I have lived with this for the first 32 years of my life!
In School, I would be afraid to ask a question, speak to a teacher, speak to a girl, go to the staff room, take part in a debate or drama, all because of this fear of what others would think, they would laugh at me, think that I am no good, think that I am a fool, tell others how stupid I was. I carried this fear everywhere, when I would go to the bank, I was scared to ask the clerk anything, at the ration shop I would keep mum, when guests would come to our house, I would hide away to avoid getting embarrassed. I am sure this would resonate with some of you out there… don’t worry you are not alone!
I had this friend who was bold, daring, and eccentric. I really admired the confidence with which he would go and speak to anyone, whether it was a teacher, principal, girl or even a stranger on the road. I once asked him, how he could do this. He told me that he could do it because, he never worried about what people think, I remember, once he came to school wearing a pant which had two round patches (as the pant was torn at the knees) stitched at the knees, instead of feeling bad about it, he was showing off his new style! He then gave me a mantra, which I feel, he got it from his father. The mantra was. “Don’t think what others think about you because they are thinking what you are thinking about them.” He must have given me this mantra when we were studying in the 10th std. but I didn’t apply it until years later. Had I applied it then, the direction and quality of my life would have been completely different. My advice to you all out there is, start applying it right now!
This fear is very powerful, don’t ever underestimate it. It can hold you back from: learning something new, trying something new, taking risks, wearing something new, being different, thinking different, being creative, taking initiative, being assertive, being confident, meeting new people, taking tough decisions, solving problems, communicating, being a leader, working with others, taking responsibility, taking accountability, thinking positive, achieving results, being innovative, being a professional, starting a new business.. I could go on and on.
Where the hell did I get this fear? I think we are all born as pure potential, we are born as a clean slate and the first people to start writing on it are our parents. Parents are the first people to program our computers. I remember, I was told by Mother n number of times, “Children who are quiet are good children.” “Children who yap too much, don’t amount to anything.” This programming had a devastating effect on me. Then, I was told, if you do this what will people think, don’t say that, people will laugh, if you fail in your exams, people will not talk to you. All this happens at our subconscious level, if we want to make change our old programming, we need to do it at the subconscious level.
So what can we do to overcome this fear of what others think? Here are some suggestions:
Constantly visualize yourself doing something the way you actually want it happened.
E.g. If you are going to face an interview, see yourself sitting confidently in front of the interviewer and confidently answering his questions, see that the interviewer is impressed by the answers you give.
If you have to give a presentation, see yourself standing in front of an audience with poise and presenting, the audience is spellbound and after the presentation is over you can hear the thunderous applause.
Say positive statements to yourself.
I love myself and I accept myself the way I am
What I think of myself is more important than what others think of me.
I am a valuable person
Make a list of your good qualities and paste it somewhere you can see and read it every day.
Use your body in positive ways, the way you use your body affects the way you feel.
When you make a mistake say to yourself, “So what, if I made a mistake, I still love myself.”
Wear socks of two different colors and go to work. And when someone laughs, just say, “Oh, I made a mistake.”
Do something that you would not normally do, this will help you to overcome the fear of what others think.
E.g. suggest an idea during a brainstorming session / Say ‘No’ to boss about something / speak out, if you don’t agree with something.
The sooner you overcome this fear the better for you, new doors will open for you, new breakthroughs will happen, you can see new possibilities all around you, your life will move to completely new level. Wish you all the best.
I am Rajiv Kumar Luv. My passion in life is to make a difference in the lives of people so that they achieve their personal as well as professional best. I am absolutely committed to specially helping youngsters become leaders in their chosen fields. In the past 28 years, I have trained over 100,000 people from all walks of life. Through my two-day program “Leadership Through Personality Development” I help the youth plan their career, build confidence, make better decisions, manage time and develop their employability skills to meet today’s real-life challenges. You can learn more about me and the work I do by visiting: http://www.thepersonalityboss.com